(almost) [clean edit]

by Apt

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1.
01:12
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6.
03:09
7.
8.
02:46
9.
10.
04:01

credits

released April 17, 2015

All songs produced by Chance Lewis with Apt.

1. Almost
Static/noise by Ryan Moore

2. A Petty Tantrum
Additional synths by Mason Porter

3. Marrow
Additional vocals by Tyler Glenn and Chance Lewis
Contains a sample of "Spit Me Out” by Return to Sender which originally appeared on the album Grand Exposure

4. Antonius Block
Additional vocals by Dusk Raps, Chance Lewis and Tyler Glenn
Guitar and noise by Ryan Moore
Additional percussion by Gavin Ryan

5. Two Birds
Additional vocals by Nate Pyfer
Bass by Chris Bennion

6. So
Additional percussion by Gavin Ryan

7. Gilbro Bounce
Additional vocals by Gilbert Cisneros
Additional percussion by Gavin Ryan

8. Arc
Guitar and synth by Chris Bennion
Additional percussion by Gavin Ryan
Additional vocals by Tyler Glenn

9. Deep End
Additional vocals by Donnie Bonelli, Atheist and Chance Lewis

10. 30/32
Guitar, static/noise by Ryan Moore

Recorded and mixed by Chance Lewis at Lewis Manor, Provo, UT, February- March 2015.

Mastered by Bruce Templeton at Magneto Mastering, Minneapolis, MN.

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Track Name: Almost
Hit the streets with synthesizers buzzing in your ears.
Drum breaks as heart beats or some other cliche nonsense.
Were the parallels already there or are you making them up?
The answer doesn't matter nearly as much as the decision.
Will you keep walking between the lines or will you break from the plane?
Servitude or serpentine?

Let's be honest.
We know the ending.
You keep writing metaphors in lockstep.
Words alone have never killed fate.
And you can do yourself in on paper a million times without using enough lead to cover your grave.

Paper phoenix.
Origami king.
Keep writing your myths.
keep walking forward.
You almost made something
You almost-

Stop.
Just stop.
They're not even listening yet.
Track Name: A Petty Tantrum
They know the name, now what?
Listen real close and you can pick up on the sound of
An uncrowned chump trying to outrun his beasts but they found him
Unmitigated mess from the ground up
Woke the last six months grinding teeth
Last 36 months trying to grind on beats
But it's been blank pages, safe wages, dyin to leave
Hears faint praises, fakes basics, minds his grief
As he stays faceless, stray gazes, folds his arms into
His late days and stays jaded, pokes his scar tissue
Last 36 months every spoken bar's misused
On woe is me nonsense, broken heart issues
Take a breath Apt, take a step back
Overworked muscle, no need to go and flex that
They won't respect that self set death trap
Stop with the emoting and try to make some necks snap
Nah, let's reminisce and see what we can get from this
Back to when I first became my worst nemesis
Picture this, nothing more than some rap fan
Carrying a pen and a notebook and a disc man
Rapping to himself, mumbled solo shower show
Lyrics on a livejournal, spiral bound solid gold
Locked up in the college rule, just another college fool
Scrawlin out his sweat and tears like Sean had shown him how to do
Call it pure, call it simple, call it nonsense
Call it what you want, I'ma call it what I'm on next
Call it prolonged stress, call down the bombast
Every time I speak now I'm calling in a bomb threat
Call it savage and rage, call it the scam of the age
Donnie's not here, call me Alice in chains
Whether scratchin in a page or standing on stage
It's the best way I've found to try to manage the pain
Just some wanna be Mikey some wanna be Grieves
Damn, I'm just tryinta get the panic to ease
First one to parrot no kings and grab to reach
For some made up crown, yeah the fallacy's deep
Lesson number one, got no lesson to teach
I'll take this whole mess and I'll press it in speech
Might be a self serving way to stay on my feet
But I'll dive back into that quicksand and prey for release
This that sophomore slump record, that life is still tough record
Ain't done enough and still haven't come up record
Sucker gets punched, life's calling bluffs record
Just another putz gettin looks of disgust record
Some sad truths that we just won't discuss record
Lemme be blunt, no one listens to my cuts record
Whiny emo rapper still ain't dropped his nuts record
Fire's gone out, man, just let it be snuffed record
Nah Its a backslap life and grab it by the scruff record
Time to get rough and give the world some guff record
They so shocked, what, you think I'd just combust record
Some simple truths that we need to confront record
Took the brunt now I'm pulling out the rut record
Making gold from the dust and the rust record
Yes I'm the greatest, how much longer can you front record
Me and my whole crew, son, now we on the hunt record
And for the record my demand hold same
Picture me Dorian, this man don't age
House of Lewis til they throw me in a grave
Adam, call him Apt, ain't a damn thing changed
Track Name: Marrow (feat. Tyler Glenn)
One more
I swear that it's the last time
Oh sure. Yeah sure
Every time's the last time
You sore?
You swore way back with a savage grin
When you were living coffee cup to coffee cup to Ambien and back again
You would never saddle in to average
But when the panic's in I guess that's the best we're managing
Never really done much living
Sleep walk through the age of no ---- given
But we give 'em
We're victims of the tide, we're vanishing

And as the water rises our lungs fill
And the sirens cry out to save us still

I wanna live
Maybe someday
And give a
On a Sunday
And keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah
Keep movin' up, up, up, up, up yeah
Want you to love me
Maybe someday
Could I be loved?
Maybe one day
I keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah
Yeah, keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah

Run
Keep runnin' til they lose that scent
I'm numb
Can't feel my legs and now I'm losin' breath
It's dumb. So dumb
I'd rather choose dissent
Tuck thumb
Fist swingin', screamin' out like who's got next?!
Could that be fools intent, I think that's what the muses meant
When rules are bent with tools and sweat
That's when the house starts losin' bets
They say repent
I say put me down as malcontent
Nah, ain't blew it yet, but watch out, baby, cause the fuse is lit

And as the water rises our lungs fill
And the sirens cry out to save us still

I wanna live
Maybe someday
And give a
On a Sunday
And keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah
Keep movin' up, up, up, up, up yeah
Want you to love me
Maybe someday
Could I be loved?
Maybe one day
I keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah
Yeah, keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah

Choke
On the sentiment stuck down in my throat
I'm cloaked
In the sediment built up since I woke
I try to wash it off, scrape it off, break it off
Pray it's gone, I've ached so long
Anything to get the vapors gone
Let me plague the throngs, bear my teeth, rip through skin, taste that blood
Let me tear through muscle, tendon, bone, let me dig incisors in
Let me taste that marrow, let me go feral, let me divide the rib
Let me steal their hearts, please, anything to get outside my skin

I wanna live
Maybe someday
And give a
On a Sunday
And keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah
Keep movin' up, up, up, up, up yeah
Want you to love me
Maybe someday
Could I be loved?
Maybe one day
I keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah
Yeah, keep it up, up, up, up, up yeah
Track Name: Antonius Block (feat. Dusk Raps)
Walks around the corner grabbing groceries at Allen's
His headphones blasting "Trying to Find a Balance"
Nose clogged, eyes water, throat full of scratches
Calls into work, "I've got the plague. Don't panic."
Lunch consists of sodium, chicken, broth and crackers
Sleep. TV. Sleep. That's the pattern
In the haze his mind turns to more serious matters
He's surprised by a figure when the lamp turns
So many places to be, death keeps their visits short
Just stopped by to say he'd make such an exquisite corpse
"That's all the visit's for? Seems like you would visit more
Might i ask a question? I'd like a bigger picture of the score
Why is so much of life caught in the shadows?
Like you can build your own cross or you can build your gallows
Escape from one fate then get caught in the shallows
Is that the only path from callow to hallowed?"
They rolled their eyes and sighed, "Only from an artist...
I have no great knowledge, I pull the plugs regardless."
He shook his head, couldn't accept the harshest
Hardship doesn't guarantee catharsis
Thought all along he was lit in the refiner's flame
He let the dire reign cause it came from a higher plane
Now come to find most of his scars won't get his sire's praise
Feels like yet another pawn lost in this tired game
So check mate for the day, death's left him to his devices
His vice is, these knife slits, he likes it
A mood to match his empty room, dark as his sight is
Another sentence ending different than the way he'd write it
So take that bookmark and place it in the fold
A round of Nyquil shots taken to the throat
Prays, "If i die tonight, my veins just close
Bury me in gingham buttoned straight to the throat."

Shake your chains, walk that block
Call my name when the lights go off

Even darker days spent laying, stayin passed out
Little beam of light pushing through his windows blacked out
The dust it dances in it just to romance the victim
Him and his sadness quickened right to the last bout
Can't even lash out, for all intents it's over
Wonders if he's crazy but feels intensely sober
A little closure's what he should intend to broker
But he's riding in the back seat with death as his chauffeur
That's what he tells himself at least while tryin to wrestle with the beast
Ain't got the meddle for defeat but still he settles for repeats
He needs to stand on his feet
But it's angel in the inspiration, devil in the deed
And speak of the devil, time for another visit fine
Rolls his eyes, what's this specter gonna go and say this time
"Save it if you're here to say that I should get a thicker spine"
Looks in their eyes , realizes it's the finish line
For a fraction of a second the whole universe is wordless
It all reverses, last thing he feels is worthless
"Wait, wait, wait! Please! Just do me this one service
Don't carry out your purpose, I haven't even earned it"
They say "It's not about deserve or earn or plans, son
I'm only hear because it's clear, my dear, right now your sand's done"
Metal towards the sky. Stares him in the eyes
He doesn't even blink while they swing down the scythe
Track Name: Two Birds (feat. Nate Pyfer)
Accidentally killed two birds with one stone
Never even realized a rock was thrown
Now I'm traveling the backwards of house to home
An empty shell of what once used to house the whole
How’s I to know that it would crumble and fall
That we would tumble in tall weeds and fumble the ball
That the tongue would stall replaced by rumble and gall
Of the longest last letter, the clarion call,
The drone of the insect intoned from the mid-chest
We’re frozen in mid-glance, the reward for our distress
Don't know why we feel alone in this misstep
Thought by now we'd outgrown the need to impress
We’re stuck in triangles no compass can rise from
It’s come to the point we can’t even let the eyes touch
It’s so far, the fire’s burned right past us
i just pray that these are phoenix ashes


Burn it all, every scrap, every last piece
I want piles of ashes to be all that you have of me
How many more 'fore we can score it law of averages
Never thought I'd find fire to be less damaging
Break out the bandages, I left an ember for recollection
Maybe stoke it back to effervescence
A reconnection, a rebirth, a resurrection
A regret, a mistake, a lesson
A cycle spiraling down until I'm out of this town
But you left first, your excerpts are all I have now
And I can hear a matchbook, yeah, it's calling 'em out
And I can smell the brimstone, yeah, you called it all down
But, nah, there's no need to salt the earth
In stalls and jerks your photo fades, the clocks reverse
The talk reverts, a birthday, a Christmas
Confessions made easier across long distance

You're walking on by
Unusual sight
Reminders of fake fights and past lives
The floor hit my eyes
I get out, I hide
And then we part ways like it's the last time

We've got blind spots the shapes of our silhouettes
You say it's simple steps, pirouette and pivot left
I say it feels as impossible as missions get
Every morning in the mirror set my eyes but vision left
Why'd we ever stop drinking from that fools cup
Why'd we let the wool get pulled up, rug pulled out from under
Have no doubt but wonder
Was it angel or devil that had fooled us?
Or did we fool ourselves, a simple parlor trick
Fan out the deck, pick a card, any card, you pick
Convinced this magic ain't that hard to get
But the misdirection happened at the start of it
We're better halves now destined to be drawn and quartered
Cornered, lost sight of what's important
We could have been woven into golden thread
But we've chosen this instead

You're walking on by
Unusual sight
Reminders of fake fights and past lives
The floor hit my eyes
I get out, I hide
And then we part ways like it's the last time

You're walking on by
Reminders of fake fights and past lives
Unusual sight
Reminders of fake fights and past lives
The floor hit my eyes
Reminders of fake fights and past lives
I get out, I hide
And then we part ways like it's the last time
Track Name: So
Eyelids flip open. Nah, let 'em shut again
Can't seem to recall why he should get up again
So down he's tumbling, can't help but be stuck within
Light another candle to the alter of his suffering
Aww, our poor boy. he's had it so hard
He's so scarred and he thought he made it so far
So what? Even he's sick of his so crushed
He'd rather be sewn up and hold tough like a grown up
But he holes up, lying in his mattress
And rips holes up into the spots where he had patches
Then thinks, "Hold up, why should i give in to the panic?"
But he does. Cause what would he be if he didn't have it?
Nothing, a shadow, vapor, distilled ether
A collection of flesh and bones with concealed features
So he'll build the fever and mill the meter
Dance a dirge with death while he cheats her. he needs her

So here he is again, locked inside a tomb
He's mistaken his coffin for womb
Talking 'bout his doom while they watch another moon wax and wane
That's the same cycle, vain trifle, trapped inside a loop
He plays aloof while they wait for his ascension
The plain truth is that he's no more than a mention
So while they're bettin' he doubles down on fog and grey
And claims not every dog gets its day
There's some that just stray
He's leaving his lungs to decay
Prepared to put his tongue in the grave
He'll be dumb from this day with no reason for the speech
Just a soldier who's useless at the breach, incomplete
Turning to a statue from the inside out
Stone in his gut and concrete in his mouth
Death don't dance no more but she still stops by
Swears he's seen her in the mists of the night sky

He wakes up and he's literally shaking
Vibrating, gets out bed, he can't shake it
Ties up his laces. boots stomp out the door
Two o'clock in the morn, world dead as he awakens
Breathes in. Taking in the view from the roof
Better get down, not sure what he'll do in this mood
Kick rocks down the sidewalk, headed north
Mist drops at his fore, quick blocks, ten or more
Three-hundred thirty-seven paces to his Mecca
Filled with landmarks dedicated to his best of
And his mess ups and all the rest of
The passing headlights will be transport to his next up
Just three side-steps from the iris in
Deserves only the vilest of ends
There he goes, left, right, left
Unsuspecting driver. last light quenched.
Track Name: Arc
Never was one who could fight the funk
So he folded up his clothes and he packed a trunk
A snack, a lunch and headed for the heart of the slump
Sprayed shots from his tongue at the start of the bump
Bump. Boom bap, set his tooth as a trap
Only fighting chance to get his youth back
But the reaper she creeped, uh, gave him two smacks
A believer, his fever caused him to lose track

Now he's back on, blastin an attack song
All these sucka jacks long for him to get slashed gone
Tellin him the fashion's death. Yeah, come on, baby, pass on
Meantime, it's mean time, tell him what he lacks. Wrong.
Nah, no sir. Gotta delouse that
All them tiny bites really hit him where the house at
All dressed up like a spider in a mousetrap
How's that? Onomonopea. Hear the sound? Splat.

Whole things really got him losing his hope
Give him just enough mic cord to noose it and choke
Man and his fate part like fool and his gold
And if that don't work just give him two to the throat
They think he new to the ghost, I'd say he newish at most
Probably phoenixed fifty times, really flew from the coal
Don't give a gat damn about the rules and the roles
Gonna carve that niche right through to his bones

How's that? Nonsense!
How's that? Nonsense!
Nonsense? How's that!
Play them bones

Now he's on life like thirty three and one third
Don't even say one word, yes I know it's absurd
Know it sounds crazy, but I can say it's confirmed
Lives in the shadows. Guess sonny thinks the suns's worse
Bides his time, waiting for the dark to rock
All in line better bring in their own spark to watch
Round the block, owner better come and part the lock
Whole world's here, gonna watch his heart just stop

Cleeeeaaaar. And we're back with a jolt
Smirked to the crowd cause he knew it was dope
Reached for the secrets he had stashed in his coat
Passed one piece out to all new to the fold
Pleased to meet ya, come catch my fever
Everybody come along and be a death cheater
Learned long ago no fear for the reaper
Sing my skeletons, bones my best feature

How's that? Nonsense!
How's that? Nonsense!
Nonsense? How's that!
Play them bones

Now he leans right into every sickle swipe
Lil strife adds a lil bop into his simple life
Ignore the wax and wane of the fickle type
Anyone try test sonny just flicks a knife
It's simple, right? Dance with your demons
Tie em at the wrist, start leaning like its beat it
Don't stop swingin til it's marrow that you're seeing
Dem bones dem bones dem bones all he needed
Track Name: Deep End (feat. House of Lewis)
Angel with a demon face
Crawled up from my shoulder blade
Actin like the world's his stage
Talking like his worth's at stake
You hurtin now? Churned and wound
Further down the words expound
Earned your scowl, wanna learn to drown
In the dirt and ground
With a smirk and smile and a furtive growl
Said he knew just how to work it out
Leaned to my ear, whispered burn it down
Dig in the cinders, overturn the ground
Tell the heavens they're adjourned for now
Bite your thumb, it don't concern them now
I struck the match and felt the rush
Watch the world all turn to dust

I'll probably rock this crick in my neck 'til I'm dead
She keeps me looking like a tweaker, my demeanor reflects
It's like the weight of everything beating me, leaving me bleeding to death
Regrets feeding my head 'til I'm left needing your breath to bless me
Here I am! Pull me out the deep end
Give me that life that I've been screaming for, yeah lead me to zen
I'm getting weak in the tread
I'm barely keeping the head above this water
Oft we slaughter our own dreams just to live, please
Let me find that way. Let me hear that truth. Let me see that light
Let me be that man, the kind that can magnify the damned answers wherever the answers lie
I ain't the kind to take a bribe. I ain't apt to pan handle for the afterlife
My man pass the dice fast like this life's a crap game I'ma cash in or crash tonight

Dammit, Adam, this how you wanna hear Ath on a beat?
Wanna go back, way back, to the days when the water ran out and we had nothing to eat?
Grocery store two A.M. so no one will notice us strugglin'
So no one we know would find out that we asked the cashier for a break on the old bread.
Dammit, Adam, you know there's a reason I don't rap this way
'Cause my fans gon' tell say that I'm acting dramatic and Whitney’s gonna tell me that I’m overreactin'
Dammit Adam, I try to keep it light, okay
No one wanna hear about the pain in my heart when my grandma’s mind just slipped away
I locked her up, apologetic, not my problem, I'm pathetic
I’m a piece of ----, there I said it, ‘cause all I could think was “It’s genetic!”
Dammit Adam, compared to some I’ve been through nothin’
So I’m biding my time, prepping my mind…the deep end’s comin’

If I should die before I wake up swimming in the deep end
My soul will rest in the depths of this beat when
You hear it on repeat then I hope you can hear me screaming
Play it on repeat and listen to me screaming

You lack faith in me like a lapsed catholic
So trade your sackcloth and ashes in for a laid back sabbath
Relax you're like a crack addict with that chapstick take a sabbatical
Spend a summer backpacking through europe
Find yourself or whatever and get back to me
I'm on fire like the triangle shirtwaist factory
Talking, everybody's talking, everybody's spouting off the same cliche garbage
Top of the morning how do you do
Can I get a little more in my monitors check one
Two minute warning
Two blue fishes in the deep end fishing for compliments
Building up each other's confidence

Fist fightin demons again,
Knuckles raw, bleeding skin
Til the season's end
I'm stuck in brawl make these heathens dead
The struggle more/less is so fatal and gorgeous
Take off those horns and nail that halo right onto your forehead
My face is covered with blood, sweat and spit
I'm gonna let 'em mix til you can't even tell which is which
My face a crimson disc, my raw nerves are fairly severed
Guess it's nothing long steps can't temporarily temper
Out the door, right foot's the kick, left foot's the snare
I'm shook and scared, I'm pushed to rare
I'm gonna hoof it there on these crooked stairs
Find that timeless, isolated island
Close my eyelids, hold my breath and listen to the silence
Track Name: 30/32
I can't breathe, I cant let the words sway
Things on my chest I gotta get off in the worst way
Perpetual thirdie dragging through my thirties
Can't save myself cause I can't find the words, see
I'm rehearsing as some play at time reversing
Confined to lurking I can't even excise the verses
I find diversions while I slide to worthless
But you can't blame a microphone it's blind to its purpose
How is it they can't see that I'm voiceless
This here, hah, this is a toy it's
A parlor trick, all slight of hand and false ego
Why would you listen to me of all people?
A life that's been centered on gusts of peddling trust
With a finger on the wound til the sentiments bust
Yeah, had a couple milestones but never enough
They say I'll find home but I'm bettin on rust
It's settled then huh? Once again it just wasn't enough
Mark the time by the stone that's been swelling in guts
Should set fire to the last twelve pages ripped
And do my best every day to stage a fit
Feelin left behind can we change the pace a bit
Cause I can't seem to keep up with the basic
It's amazing this little need they feel to save him
Can't live up to that vision they're arranging
This is the sound of a white flag waving
The sigh of a man losing his patience
Just breathe, make that chest heave
Repeat repeat til death divests the deed
And sorry mom but your little black sheep will never bleach
Guess four out five's our best reach
And I'm sorry dad I swear I tried to make it feel true
When you tell me that your proud of all the things that I do
I'm still scraping, crawling and I beg my way through
I'd give anything to be even one half of you
And I'm sorry friends for all the opportunities wasted
I don't mean to disappoint, I truly find you sacred
Sorry God if all that I amount to is tainted
Feels like ages since you left me here jaded and naked
Why'd you leave me blind, let me see with your vision
You gave me the words but you withheld the conviction
Never felt much worth when they gave me religion
All I wanted was love and not the roles and divisions
They say that's what you are so why can't I perceive
This may be my last prayer while I still believe
So if you're there, lord, please, give me something to ease
Because sometimes I just can't breathe
So if you're there, lord, please, give me something to ease
Because sometimes...sometimes...I just can't breathe
So if you're there, lord, please, give me something to ease
Because sometimes...sometimes...I just can't breathe
So if you're there, lord, please, give me something to ease
Because sometimes...sometimes...I just can't breathe
So if you're there, lord, please, give me something to ease
Because sometimes...sometimes...I just can't breathe